I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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