You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
