My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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