new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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