The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
