...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
