for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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