Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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