If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
