he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
