I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i believe in u and ur pee
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
