dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
