It's like God shit irony all over that family
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
