Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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