Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
