i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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