My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
