Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
