I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
