oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You ruined the universe
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
