What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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