I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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