8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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