so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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