omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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