hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
3pm strippers are depressing
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
