I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
why is half of my head shaved?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
