I just made out with a guy for $7.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
