can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
