alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
