In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
