just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
