he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
