That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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