lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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