You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
