i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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