Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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