It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
