STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
