I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
