I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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