mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
