Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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