my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
