I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
