First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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