I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
