YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
