The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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