I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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