I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
