my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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