11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
