Ambien. No doubt about it.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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