your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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