You made me cry and you don't even care
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
